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All in the names

01/22/2011, 8:00am CST
By Eric Ebert, USPHC correspondent

There's no shortage of creativity at the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships. Especially when it comes to naming teams.

This year's team names run the gauntlet from creatively cute to downright vulgar. Here's a quick look at some of the best team names at the 2011 USPHC.

Bizarre

Some team names aren't so much clever as they are confusing. Here's a sampling of some of the more ... unusual ... choices for names:

Burning Couch

So, yeah, a burning couch is cool, but it has relatively little to do with hockey and makes for a mascot one hell of a fire hazard.

Mustache

Not that mustaches aren't awesome – because they are – but naming your team after facial hair, or any hair for that matter, seems a bit odd. Unfortunately team Mustache doesn't have a logo for us to see which kind of 'stache they're sporting.


Pinching D

It's not so much that the name is weird – if you're referring to pinching defense – but more so the logo itself. Really, an orange cone? Maybe I missed something.

Biscuits n Gravy

This names makes for some awesome headlines: Biscuits get baked, Here comes the Gravy. And that logo will have opponents' mouths watering over southern comfort food.

Mystery Meat

The real mystery is why any team would want to be associated with mysterious meat. It conjurs up bad images of cans of Spam or mushy lumps of red meat. Not really things you want to think about at any time, especially on the rink.

Clever

These are the créme de la créme as far as names go. Not too risque and not too safe, but packing just the right amount of creative oomph. But don't take my wordd for it, see for yourself:

Stick in a Box

If you haven't seen the original Saturday Night Live skit this team is named after, you really need to educate yourself. But this team even went so far as to design their logo based on the SNL instructions.

Cougar Bait

Why not call it like it is. You're young, you're male and you're looking for an older lady to show you a good time. These young men aren't afraid to show their true colors – even if they're not interested in older ladies.

Geezers in Breezers

I absolutely love this team name. It's so simple, yet so stunningly awesome. I have no words. Bravo!

Hattrick Swayze

Don't even bother lying. We all know you've seen Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing." And while Pattrick Swayze was lord of the dance, Hattrick Swayze is master of the rink.

Beerhawks

Maybe I'm just a sucker for beer, but the concept of a Beerhawk just makes me smile. Picture it as a sloppy drunk bird or a predator perched in a tree waiting to steal an unattended beverage. Either way, it's awesome.

Inappropriate

We're onto the, how do I put this ... naughty portion of our names list. While many of these names are creative, they also are downright nasty. Readers beware, these aren't for the easily offended:

Ice Holes

Sure there are holes in the ice, but we know what you were really going for with that name.

Sick Pucks

Unlike team Ice Holes, these guys didn't even try to hide their vulgarity. We hear ya Sick Pucks. We hear ya loud and clear.

Snowjobs

I know, the logo shows a snowman going to work. Very clever, Snowjobs, but we can see through your thinly veiled charade

Dateline Predators

With a team name based on a show about catching pedophiles, it's really a good thing these guys don't have a team logo.

Yellow Snow

The name says it all really, but if you really didn't catch the innuendo look no further than the team's logo. If you still don't understand the reference, you may need to consult a mental health physician.

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